Intolerance in the First Person (by Heather G.)
Mrs. G Last night I resigned (after many months) as one of Pioneer Woman’s regular homeschooling contributors. I was sad to resign because I love writing about the subject of homeschooling to a large group of readers and because Ree was benevolent in inviting me to be a part of her enormously popular blog and because girlfriend paid me good money for those posts—there are emotional and financial consequences to my decision.
Ree responded to my resignation with kindness and generosity and she expressed regret for how the whole situation went down (more on that in a sec). I told her I was going to write honestly and respectfully about this experience one time and then never mention it again. And I won’t. She politely requested two things:
Request # 1: To please not paint Pioneer Woman Readers with a broad brush, because the post that caused some folks to instigate this blogospheric Jihad received mainly positive comments (that is true), and because she had the experience of meeting hundreds of thousands of her readers during her book tour and they were the nicest people in the world. I absolutely agree with her (there isn't a blogger of Ree's stature who doesn't have a minority of oddballs) and will honor this request because I, in general, try to avoid painting anyone with a broad brush—with one exception that both delights and vexes my readers: I think people who cheat on their spouses are knuckleheaded bottom feeders.
Request # 2: To please, as someone in her inner circle, keep our behind the scenes conversations private. Now as much as I (and my ego) would like to consider myself as part of Ree’s inner circle, she is simply being gracious in granting me that status. We have never met. We have never talked on the phone. Our communication has been confined to short (mainly five sentence) and sweet emails and two instant message exchanges—no deep conversations, but, nevertheless, I will, with one exception that pertains to a poor choice on my part, honor that request as well.
So, anyone over here looking for internet drama is going to be thoroughly dispappointed.
Finally…How The Whole Situation Went Down.
On Thursday, I submitted a homeschooling post to Ree on how I chose to teach my own children (now teenagers) religion. I wrote Ree that I hoped it would be interpreted in the spirit in which it was intended. She said she would post it, and we both acknowledged it would be interpreted in many different ways. Most writing is.
Now I’m going to speak to the poor choice I mentioned up above. Ree asked me to edit the first paragraph. It originally began: “I have been reading Pioneer Woman long enough to know that most of her readers homeschool for religious reasons…” Ree wrote back and asked me to edit my first few lines because she didn’t, "want to reinforce the contention on the part of the occasional detractor that PW readers are largely right wing Chreeschins. :)" I changed the opening sentences and it was a huge mistake, which I regret, because any writer worth her salt knows changing something she believes to be true is selling out, and I cop to it. I ignored my intuition to try to disarm readers, to let them know I wasn't waltzing in like some spiritual authority.
Ree put the post up on Thursday night and when I opened my laptop on Friday morning, my inbox was filled with hate mail assuring me that I was going to hell, was a horrible parent, a scourge to the Pioneer Woman’s blog and just about everything but a child of God. The Women’s Colony, this blog, had been hijacked by internet trolls who left an enormous amount of cruel comments and scripture quotes from what seemed close to 77% of the Bible.
“Satan, that deceived the whole world. He was thrown down to earth, and all his angels with him.” (Rev. 12: 9)
“Put on all the armor that God gives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the Devil’s evil tricks. For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities and cosmic powers of this dark age.” (Eph. 6: 11-12)
“Your enemy, the Devil, roams around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Be firm in your faith and resist him.” (1 Peter 5: 8-9)
You get the idea.
I also made another huge mistake. In the homeschooling post I submitted, I linked my daughter’s amazing essay on her own spiritual journey. Apparently, there are lousy, deplorable grownups in the world who feel comfortable insulting and mocking a teenager’s most vulnerable thoughts...but I just kept deleting.
So, Ree and I touched base, and she asked me if I wanted her to moderate the negative comments. I told her no, because I thought it would be counterintuitive to the heart of the post. She said she had gotten a few negative emails, and I told her I had received many. We left it at that.
The Christian hate mail and comments kept coming in.
And in the interest of full disclosure, I had some atheists come after me, too. They resented that I was shoving religion down my kids’ throats.
Honestly, it was like a harmonic convergence of halfwits.
I'd like to take a moment to thank the Jews for leaving me alone.
One commenter said she had watched some of my videos and that I was obviously a foul mouthed alcoholic who, get this, had to drink to get through the Christmas holidays, and that I had some serious mental problems.
All true…and somehow it helped to know at least one reader really “got” me.
By Saturday, I was losing it, so I put up a post requesting that anyone who had issues they wanted to discuss that had nothing to do with content on the Women’s Colony please quit leaving comments on the blog and just email me directly. I gave out both my email addresses and I promised to respond politely to each and every one. Plenty of people emailed (and I did write them all back—except for a moronathon named Jan Westemeier who told me she was shocked to read I was only 42 because I looked 60 and that I need to dye my hair and get new glasses and aspire to look like Courtney Cox because she's 42 and LOOK AT HER!) but the comments on the blog continued.
Late Saturday night, we received two phone calls. One from a woman damning me to hell and the other from a guy quoting some gibberish from Saint Anthony…I didn’t really get the gist of his point, because I hung up on his Jesus, Mary and Joseph loving ass. I don’t use my last name on this blog (though most readers know it), but apparently some sleuthy readers looked into my children’s Facebook information and took more opportunities to introduce them to the path of righteousness and, bless their hearts, pray for my kids' souls. It was at this point that I started to feel fear. I took the phone off the hook.
I woke up Sunday to more hate mail, more comments to delete and, finally,
PERSONAL RAGE.
If I ruled my own house, I would have spent the day swigging gin & tonics and She-Hulk stomping through the house screaming obscenities. But I don’t rule my own house. I have a family—who, incidentally, didn’t ask for any of this, so I went grocery shopping to get fancy foods for us to eat while we watched the Oscars. Yay Hurt Locker!
And then I wrote my resignation to Ree. I explained that I could deal with cruel comments because, hey, that’s blogging. I explained that I could handle the emails because, hey, at least they're contained, right?
But handle the phone calls, the violation of my family, The insult to my hair?
No.
Ree finally weighed in on the whole situation late Sunday afternoon. You can find it in the homeschooling section four posts down—it’s comment 207 of 222.
Along with the bashing, it was equally disturbing to receive emails from readers (hers and mine) who insisted their supportive comments weren't getting through, weren't being published. Apparently the comments section was being carefully orchestrated to create a vibe that was palatable to those who were offendeded and those who were not.
When I resigned, I wrote the following:
I know you can't be responsible for the hundreds of thousands of people who read your blog, but I'll tell you this: I would have made a request to my paltry readership to perhaps relax and take it easy rather than leave an easy breezy comment (I truly get that you don't want to offend anybody) at what is hopefully the end of this unpleasant journey of hate or, as you put it in your comment ‘anonymous shenanigans.’
And I would have.
Religion, hate, intolerance, trolls
Reader Comments (250)
Oh Mrs G! I feel sure there will be much cleverer comments made after mine but I am loving that picture! Happy now Jan Westerthingyer?????
Mrs. G., I am so sorry that you experienced the hatred of so-called Christians. I'm sorry for the loss of income and readership that you earned at the PW site.
I just now went over and read your article and the comments (the ones that remain after Ree finally deleted the most hateful ones). I read Ree's comment first. Ree clearly did not have your back. She said, "As for the anonymous shenanigans, unfortunately that’s just the nature of the internet." I call BULL to the SH!T. It wasn't anonymous shenanigans; it was hatred spewed forth via stalking. That goes waaaaaay beyond shenanigans.
Shenanigans (noun)
1 : a devious trick used especially for an underhand purpose
2 a : tricky or questionable practices or conduct —usually used in plural b : high-spirited or mischievous activity —usually used in plural
If people who profess to be Christian wish to participate in "shenanigans" as Ree defines them, perhaps they should check out the Webster definition of the word above and compare some of those words to what the Bible spells out as proper behavior.
As a fellow human being, it makes me very sad that there are some people who use religion to stomp on other people. As a Christian, I am horrified that anyone would use the Bible as a weapon to bash someone else.
While I am impressed with Mrs. G's photo-shop skills, I prefer the REAL Mrs. G. to the "Coxified" version. The real Mrs. G. is warm and loving and does not look older than me!
"Honestly, it was like a harmonic convergence of halfwits."
This, on top of the photo, caused me to burst out laughing, although the subject matter is anything but amusing. Others are more eloquent than I so I will only say again how sorry I am, Mrs G.
PW left you to twist in the hate-filled breeze, and she's lost this reader's respect. Bye, bookmark.
Wow. Mrs G x Courtney Cox = Sarah Palin. I'm alarmed!
Thanks for this. I have been puzzling over what sparked the various posts alluding to this whole situation, since I don't read PW's homeschooling blog, since I don't homeschool. I can not believe that people were emailing you and (gulp!) CALLING you! A little perspective is a beautiful thing; sadly, it seems, many people don't have it. It seems that, in the good ol' USA, some people are raised "Christian" and taught not its actual truths and principles, but instead that it must be defended against all negative comments and opinions, often in ways that contradict those principles. Sigh...
I actually skimmed through all the comments on the original post and most of them were very supportive. I thought the post was great myself, and of course I love Miss G.
Hang in there! May this soon be but a happy memory ;) You know you have many people who enjoy your writing and personality and HAIR immensely, and who in the heart of hearts are so happy that you don't look all that much like Courtney Cox. I put myself squarely in the midst of this circle. ;) Seriously Mrs G, I LOVE your writing.
I am so sorry for the nastiness that you and yours have experienced these past days.
And I understand completely why you will no longer be writing at TPW. Alas, some of the hatemongers will probably rejoice at their "accomplishment." But for the many homeschoolers (and non-homeschoolers, like me) who loved your columns, your absence will be a big loss. Hmmm...How about a Schoolroom here at the Colony? So many of us are parents; lively discussion and advice about education would be great.
As for the picture: I have no words. Love you as you are, Mrs. G!
Well, the big question we all want to know....did it work? Are you ready to throw all those other "religion" books into the fire and head right back to Catholic church where you belong?
Yeah, I didn't think so. Why can't some some people get it that you can't (and shouldn't) bully someone to church.
I'm very embarrassed for my kind, and hopefully your philosophy of not painting anyone with a broad brush extends to religious groups as well. I think the large majority of level headed Catholics (or any religious group) would have seen your post and not felt threatened by it. Unfortunately the nuttiest members of any group are usually the loudest.
It is truly our loss that you've chosen to resign from PW, although anyone can understand your reasons for doing so. I'm so sorry you were the victim of such lunacy.
My first thought when i learned about the whole issue was that Ree must take a stand right away, and she didn't. Leaving a comment like she did is not being very brave. I think that she was trying no to unplease her followers rather than do the right thing and speak openly about the matter. If she did, many would feel offendend and stop following her, and she is a professional blogger - meaning she makes money out of it. (not that she has acted professionally here).
I am a huge fan of TPW and won't quit reading after this, but the truth is that I think about her differently now.
And I only admire Mrs. G more.
PS Your courtneycoxing turned out great! maybe you should now give it a try to some jenniferanishtoning or something - she's blonde, it should be easier
Count me a someone who thinks Pioneer Woman threw you under the bus. I'm one of several WC peeps who emailed her to politely suggest that her jokey Comment #207 was too little way too late. I also pointed out that, I'm sure, if the situation had been reversed, Mrs. G would have taken a stand for politeness and decency.
To her credit, she did respond to me personally. Not to her credit, she washed her hands of it all and basically said "Can't be responsible for anything that happens off my site. I've had to deal with hate too." Here I completely disagree. I think she has a loyal fanbase -- some might even say groupies -- and a post about civility from her, I think, would at least have given pause to some people before they headed over with their flamethrowers on their trolling expeditions. Editors and publishers always stand behind their contributors (unless they are proven to have lied or made things up). That same courtesy should be observed in a blogging situation.
That said, I'm very, very sad that it ended this way. You obviously have a very successful method of homeschooling. Your kids are proof of that. A shame that a large readership will be deprived of that knowledge. The Pioneer Woman site, as the largest blog to address homeschooling, was the perfect venue for your wisdom.
Now, I'm hoping you don't have occasion for quite some time to put on that I Heart Books T-Shirt.
I don't think people should do what makes them unhappy if they can help it, so good for you Mrs. G. I'm sure you know this already, but I'll say it again. most of your readers are lovely, open-minded women and you guys write for us.
Oh PS. LOVE the your face pasted on Courtney Cox's head pic. Hilarious!
Oh NOOOO! We love you! Can you please still post homeschooling wisdom here?
I personally don't care about homeschooling, but frickin' LOVE you. Man. I wish PW would have stopped this crazy truck in its tracks.
Damn it.
I've been dismayed at the turn of events around here lately. I really do hope everyone can settle down and play nice again. Hugs to you, Mrs. G!
"Honestly, it was like a harmonic convergence of halfwits." Best. Line. Ever.
I'm a fairly new reader and a creepy, creepy, lurker that hasn't commented before. I followed the entire thing as it went down, and was damn shocked by how your MILD, but wonderful homeschooling post went down. A harmonic convergence of halfwits, indeed. You're pretty awesome.
Oh Mrs G. I still don't understand why people have to be so mean. Really, if they don't like the post, why do they continue to keep coming back day after day? They really need to get on with their own lives and leave the rest of us alone. Why can't we just all be adults and act like it? Time to grow up people. Stop hating each other.
Dear Mrs. G,
What a sickening way to spread the word of God-through hate, fear, and downright oppression.
While I am a Christian, I would never want to "go after" non-believers, especially in a way that would make them turn away. I read the original post, and took it as, "wow, look at all these resources to help children know there is a religious world around them" (we lived in a country where Christianity was not the majority and it helped to explain their beliefs to our 8 year old instead of telling her that "ours" was the only way to live). I am saddened that this has caused you to resign, but girlfriend-you bet your ass I'd be in a rage about the targeting of my children.
You are welcome to post on my blog as I jump off the deep end and begin my journey (finally) into
homeschooling my children. I can't pay you loads of cash, but can assure you that I am one who is thankful to have your words of encouragement, helpfulness, and especially, tolerance.
Keep your chin up.
Mrs. G,
Your post is why I love you and why I come to the WC.
"To thine own self be true."
Nicely done, Mrs. G. You handled this with grace, honesty, wit, integrity, and amazingly good humor. Kudos to you, for protecting your family and drawing a firm line where it needed to be drawn.
I'm so sorry you had to suffer the internet morons and trolls. The lessons of history clearly show us where the paths of intolerance lead. That's why the founding fathers of our country made religious tolerance and freedom of speech foundations of our Constitution. I just deleted PW from my bookmarks.
Well, looking at the positive side of things, I'm glad that many months ago I stumbled upon PW's site, read your posts there and came on over here for stimulating and thought-provocating writing. I am, however, very dissapointed it took Ree so long to say something about the situation that was clearly out of control - and I know you would have never allowed her to hang like that. It takes a lot of guts to write from the heart and publish it on the web, but it is only a coward that would harass someone for their opinions (especially if they don't use their own names - if it is something they truly believe in, why hide?).
And thank you for the reminders about tolerance - we can all use a little re-fresher once in a while.
Before I was ever on the internet, about 10 years ago, I thought people all over the US were like the New Yorkers I knew. Open minded, varied in both religion and race, tolerant of the beliefs of other people (or I mistook not giving a shit for tolerance) and willing to live and let live. Since being on the internet I've seen so much hate and deceit that it amazed me. And the fact that the intolerant ask tolerance of others always makes me shake my head in disbelief.
I'm so sorry for what you're all going through and sorry that someone you thought well of is more interested in being popular than standing up for what's right.
Stop the damn madness, Anon! just knock it off. Ingrate? really? go on back to the over commercialized Prairie that you came from. or at the very least read the "About" section of the WC. educate yourself. or just leave.....please! The loyal and happy readership here is very sick and tired of you and your honesty.
Wow. And the hates just keep coming...
A little disappointed to read moderation was lacking over on the other blog, but being a totally non-confrontational person (I like to push buttons but think of brilliant retorts too late) I wonder how I would have handled the situation. With my readership probably, "Play nice, you two."
I don't really like to use the word "hate," but that describes the way I feel about such ugliness and hypocrisy. Sorry you and your family had to muck through it.
The picture frightens me. I prefer you in your natural state--this appears rather Palinesque.
The personal assaults on your kids (and you) is disgusting and makes me nervous for you. Although I like drama, I don't like it to be so personal.
May your week calm considerably.