mrs. g's thoughts while sitting in a chair for two hours reading magazines and getting highlights in her hair
Mrs. G 
1) Before Mrs. G. and her hairstylist begin their half hour of catching up, Mrs. G. takes a moment to thank the Lord for shepherding her through the hair trials and hardships she withstood during what her family now calls The Summer of Hoarding and Boyd's Bears.
2) Mrs. G. and her hairstylist spend a half an hour discussing how come her hairstylist's boyfriend of six years will not pop the question and how much longer she should wait because, hello!, her biological clock is ticking. Mrs. G. just clucks sympathetically and keeps her opinions to herself. Mrs. G. does not give honest, sobering advice or counsel to anyone who has scissors near her ears.
3) Mrs. G. says for the fifth year in a row that, yes, she too hopes her hairstylist gets an engagement ring for Christmas. Nothing fancy, just something that says, you know, maybe.
4) Mrs. G. starts thumbing through a People magazine and learns that David Letterman has copped to boinking female employees while in a supposedly monogamous relationship with his then (publicity weary) girlfriend and now wife...the mother of his child. Mrs. G. is disheartened that, like it or not, Dave has lost any shot at Cabana Boy. Longtime readers might recall that Mrs. G. is not a fan of the infidelity.
The whole story makes her miss Johnny Carson even more. Please don't tell her if Johnny was a philanderer.
5) While flipping through Us Weekly, Mrs. G. unearths that fey, celibate, emotionally drained vampires are apparently taking over the planet.
6) Glamour magazine still does the "Don't" photo section and this week's don't confirms Mrs. G's covenant to the granny panty.
7) Mrs. G. becomes engrossed in an article in New York magazine about a woman who, later found to have marijiuana and twice the legal alcohol limit in her system, left a family camping trip with a van full of kids and ended up driving the wrong way on the Taconic State Parkway, killing herself, four children and three other adults in another vehicle. Besides the obvious loss of innocent lives and grief left to surviving loved ones attempting to make sense of the senseless, Mrs. G. felt such sadness that this woman (suburban wife, mother, successful career woman) clearly walled off huge sections of her inner life from her most beloved friends and family. She never felt safe enough to reveal her real self to anyone. She died not being known.
The story hasn't left Mrs. G. Don't do that. Don't die not being known.
8) According to GQ magazine, knit hats are the new black.
9) More magazine has an article on the Ten Best Jobs for Women Over Forty and Mrs. G. is optimistic to see that she is qualified for one of them: Small Niche Farmer.
Now all she needs is a farm and a niche.
Two hours later, consistently trifling and shallow, Mrs. G. leaves the mall celebrating a small but meaningful victory:
She likes her hair.
She went a little crazy and combed her bangs to the other side.
Reader Comments (55)
Love your hair! David Letterman, not so much.
It is a pretty cut, you look tres chic. And that doped-up, drugged-out mama? She needed the Women's Colony.
You look wonderful.
I have been pained to my core the past week by a mother who pimped out her 6 year old and some one killed this little girl.
She was beautiful and full of life living with her Dad and stepmother.
Dad let her go to her mother, who had "cleaned" up her life??
This child was killed and it has broken my heart.
I am so dishearten by people who would use a child for sex.
My heart has a hole in it right now.
Three cheers for hair happiness!
(Where do you find these awesome vintage photos, Mrs. G? I love the one at the top of this post, and at the top of Jenn's today.)
Your hair? Very nice...I could never take a picture right after visiting my hairstylist because, even though she does an incredible job of cutting my hair, she totally sucks at the actual stying of it!!
Thank you for the highlights (of a different kind!) from all those magazines...I do miss all the reading that can be done whilst waiting...here? just not the same. You can do this anytime and I will be a happy camper!
And yeah...David Letterman was one of my faves. now? not so much at all. stupid dave...very very stupid.
Your hair looks FAB.
Dave Letterman no longer makes my Top 10 list.
Hair: fabulous! Glasses: awesome!. Love the rimless look.
Love. Your. Hair.
I'm glad that you have YOUR hair back - made me sad when it walled itself off and refused to reveal the real Mrs. G.
love the cut and the highlights. very nice. My thoughts for two hours while getting my hair done are more like ow! my back is killing me, and ew! that smells! Very deep.
A++ on the hair and new-ish glasses (I think this is the first time we have seen them, yes?)
Having been there in the height of The Summer of Hoarding and Boyd's Bears, I am standing up to attest that Mrs. G. is REAL and has let herself be known. I love that about you, Heather.
(Also, standing while typing is really difficult)
I can't watch David Letterman anymore. He now irritates me because of his "private" life.
However, all this has continued to make Johnny Depp the object of deep appreciation. I suppose we should be grateful for that?
You're looking good, Mrs. G. No knit caps for you, baby!
Great job on the hair Mrs. G, you look beautiful.
It makes me a little happy that while Mrs. G was getting her hair cut and colored, I was also getting my hair cut and colored. I'm happy too, but I stuck with bangs straight down.
I obsessed over the Taconic Pkwy story this summer--I read every article the Long Island News did on it--How? Why? It's just so hard to take.
And you either hopped by Merle Norman on the way, or you REALLY know how to apply lipstick.
Does that first picture (the gal with the super-long hair) give anyone else the creeps? I'm totally weirded-out by it.
One of the bestest and most favorite posts ever. CRACKED ME UP!!! And I'm at work and was just informed the new receptionist who was to take my place has already quit after 2 days. THANKS FOR THE GIGGLE!!!
Love the new glasses & hair! And the Summer of Hoarding & Boyd's Bears? Great blogging material. That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
BTW, People magazine just announced that your favorite pirate is the 2009 Sexiest Man Alive. But you already knew that.
You look marvelous!! Great hair.
Loves me the young Brooooce in the knit cap. Letterman? Not so much. You can't trust gap-toothed men.
It is hard to look at that picture of that mother, and wonder what went wrong.
#5- I am tired of hearing the youngish girls sigh over this new movie. That said, I devoured the books like a bag of Doritos. I can't imagine the movie being that entertaining.
#6- The panty isn't what is wrong with that picture! That woman was obviously in a hurry, not wearing her glasses and some how managed to get into her 11 year old's jeans, fresh from the drier.
#7- Unbelievably tragic. Makes me wonder if I'm open enough and truely genuine.
#8- I want to love the knit hat, but I'm having a hard time with it. Unless my mister has been out chopping wood or shoveling snow.
And nice hair. I admire your daring to comb your bangs to the other side. Sometimes I feel like my attitude changes a little when I do that.
Love the hair! You look great. Nothing like a new haircut to lift the spirits.
Tragic story about the mom....although sometimes I am guilty of putting a wall around myself too....maybe the real me will never be known either. It's not easy to let people into my life, I fear rejection I guess. I have issues.
7) I can't shake that story either. A tragedy on so many levels.
Love the fact that your family names the Crisis.
Our family also chooses to find humor in the crazy of life.
You look great! I'm due to get my hair cut this afternoon. Can't wait.
Darla
High 5 on the haircut and the new glasses. You always have the most stylish eyewear!
Poo-poo to Dave, and it seems people only raised eyebrows for a day or two and it's back to business as usual.
How did Clinton make Cabana Boy with his philandering ways?