Disclaimer: Mrs. G. has been married for almost eighteen years to the same man, Mr G. He is handsome, kind, loyal, and doesn't do household chores of any kind a wonderful father. Many, many people (some of whom do not reside at Derfwad Manor) believe he makes the best pasta sauce in the world. Period. He uses a secret ingredient, and he will not share it with anyone, because Mr. G. is Sicilian and that's just the way they are.

Mrs. G's cheeks are blooming as she introduces Viggo Peter Mortenson as her Secret Boyfriend #14. She says secret boyfriend because while her love and esteem for Viggo is as hot and hasty as the gallop of a mighty steed headed to defeat Sauron , he has no idea that Mrs. G. exists. Ahh...Mrs. G. thinks unrequited love is healthy in a long term marriage she wants to last.

In 1985, Mrs. G. perked up when young Viggo showed up on the screen in Peter Weir's Witness. Who knew the Amish could be so come-hither? Mrs. G. didn't stick around for the credits to find out his name, but this well-built blonde triggered the alarm of her Secret Boyfriend Radar Tracking System.

Mrs. G. memorized his name in 1999, when he played the world's most seductive blouse salesman, Walker Jerome, in A Walk on the Moon. Viggo's Walker is so appealing that you completely understand how he successfully lures a young housewife to desert her family and hop into his VW van and head to Woodstock. It was the sixties, man.

Viggo, Viggo, Viggo...Mrs. G. just loves to say his name.

He went on to garner female groupies notice in A Perfect Murder and 28 Days.

And then along came this little trilogy that cemented his fame and put his fine ass in armour and on a horse. And Mortenson's stalwart and courageous Aragorn was born.

Trust Mrs. G. when she tells you Aragorn was not this hot in the Tolkien books.

In A History of Violence, Viggo plays Michigan cafe owner, Tom McKenna, who, by the end of the movie, shoots just about every person in his small town. But in a sexy way.

Most recently, Viggo can be seen in David Cronenberg's Eastern Promises. He plays Russian-born Nikolai Luzhin, a good bad guy who disposes of bodies for the Russian Mafia.

Not only is he handsome and grand, Viggo is a man of the world. He grew up in Argentina and Denmark and is fluent in English, Danish, and Spanish, and conversant in Norwegian. He also speaks French, Italian, and Swedish reasonably well. This allows Mrs. G. to love him in seven different languages.

Eastern Promises presented Mrs. G. with one of the most painful and problematic decisions of her entire life. Viggo has a fully nude scene in this movie. Unfortunately, it takes place in a steam room when he is brutally slaughtering several other men. There is a lot of blood. Some of you might remember that Mrs. G. has serious issues concerning blood. So when Viggo is running around completely naked, Mrs. G. had to cover her eyes with her hands and listen to Mr. G. say you're missing it. He's naked. You're missing it. He's naked. It was devastating and tragic. Like Mrs. G's version of Sophie's Choice.

Viggo once said If you're trying to please everyone, then you're not going to make anything that is honestly yours, I don't think, in the long run. Viggo, Mrs. G. is honestly yours, so quit worrying about everyone else and focus on pleasing her. Please.

Reader, look at those eyes. Look at the cleft in that chin. Is it any wonder that Viggo Mortenson is Mrs. G's Secret Boyfriend #14?