Vermont Country Store: Apologist Redux (by Melanie)
The ConfessionalWhen last we met, I was talking about the cherished mantel village I purchased from The Vermont Country Store. In the same post, I kinda, sorta, maybe described The Vermont Country Store as "quaintly loony" and "somewhat geriatric."
Well, let me tell you this: The Vermont Country Store is not so geriatric that they don't know about referral stats. Judging from my stat counter, some good people in Burlington, Vermont with an ISP address at a little place called (gasp!) The Vermont Country Store have been coming over here and reading Tuesday's post.
Ahem.
So, without further ado (cue the music, tap-dancing), let me present a brief list of Things I Really Love About The Vermont Country Store:
1. They are family owned and operated. Always commendable.
2. They are self-proclaimed "Purveyors of the Practical and Hard-To-Find" which, in a world full of dopey, "synergistastic" slogans, is refreshingly straight-forward and charmingly put.
3. They have some really great seasonal items, like my beloved village and blown glass ornaments and bubble lights, plus lots of wonderful reproduction toys and games that are hard to find elsewhere. (See? Truth in advertising!)
4. Tell me: where else are you going to purchase your Bread in a Can (Ready-To-Eat Goodness at a Moment's Notice!)...
...or find the world's most comprehensive selection of very warm, staggeringly un-sexy nightwear (It's Flannel Birth Control!)...
...or order your World Famous Florida Water (Is It an Aftershave or a Refreshing Beverage? Both? I Don't Know!)...
....or peruse antiquated hair appliances for those times when you think, "Sure, it's modern and everything, but my hair dryer is just too SMALL AND COMPACT..."
....or find the perfect solution for those embarrassing moments when your dickie won't stop riding up? (Bonus! Crop-Top Dickie Doubles as a Regular Top When Attending Any State Fair!).
And, speaking of embarrassing moments, I want to say something to any and all employees/owners of the Vermont Country Store who might be reading this: I suffered from shingles last year, just like 57% (rough estimate) of your customers. I'll say it again: I had shingles. So did my 27-year-old brother. We will no longer live in the shadows.
In fact, I was taking these pictures when my brother happened to call, and I read to him the product description for Shingles Rescue. You see, my poor brother (whose name, in an insane bit of coincidence, is Croptop Dickie) has been suffering from painful, residual nerve damage...wait for it...on his face. Ouch.
"They say it's clinically proven to cure your symptoms," I told him.
"Really? Nooo. Do you think it works?" asked Dickie.
"It should. It's $35 for an ounce and a half."
"Well, that's what I want for Christmas, then. Seriously," said Dickie.
"You want shingles cream for Christmas?"
"Yes. I would punch a nun to get rid of this pain."
So, there you have it, folks. Shingles Rescue Cream: The Only Gift That Special Twenty-Something in Your Life Would Punch a Nun For!
And also: Who's Calling Whom Geriatric Now, Right?
Melanie F. was born and bred in Idaho, but you can't hold that against her, OK? She loves feeding people, reading cookbooks recreationally, and taking pictures. You can find her thrifty recession recipes at BeanPlate, and she writes about her life as a mother and mutha at BeanPaste.
Reader Comments (26)
I love this catalog. I've circled several things in it this year--including the flannel nightie that looks JUST LIKE one I owned as a little girl. And those little wax choir singer candles. So many awful and nostalgic things.
Used to get this in the mail before I purged all catalogs. I loved reading it though I never bought anything from them.
They sure did send out the posse, though, didn't they!!!
Just went on their website and I am seriously considering getting the "Tired Old Ass Soak". Cause my ass does get tired from time to time :)
Great post. The only problem with the catalogue is my list gets too big. Then I try to trim it. Then I go "Do I really need another antiquated hair appliance?"
I had my first (but sadly, not my last) shingles attack - on my face - at 30. I might just be buying this creme, because punching nuns...? Not really curative.....
Honestly? I love the Vermont Country Store. They have always had the hard to find stuff that I actually want. One example (just one!): my watch. I have to have a wind watch. My aura (or something) is toxic to the battery powered ones. Timex wind watches? Vintage only, starting at about $30,000. Not a typo. Vermont Country Store? $40 when I bought mine about a decade ago and it's still going strong. I've put about 4 new bands on it and once I ran it through the washer but it's still AWESOME. I want another one but the price seems to have escalated. Almost $60!
Dear Vermont Country Store peeps if you're reading, might there be a sale on the awesome wind watches any time soon? I LOVE YOU!
hahahahaha... you got in trouble. Neener neener. :-P
Long live Vermont Country Store!
I would punch a nun. I love that line. And I HEART the Vermont Country Store. It is a walk down memory lane every time I look at the catalog.
I've never seen this store before!.....Im delighted to say it is the answer to a prayer. 'What to get him 'now appears to be a soothing ass soak packaged in what looks like a bottle of meat tenderizer....Santa is going to be so surprised! Thanks
I'd like a product review on the shingles tonic.
I think I love you. Do you know how long I have been looking for those damn Dickie things? My husband uses them but makes me go buy them. Try asking a male if they carry Dickies. Go ahead. You wouldn't believe the looks I've gotten.
So did the shingles cream work??? Inquiring minds want to know.
Question? Does a neck to toe industrial strength flannel nightgown really need a turtleneck too? It's just ugly on ugly. No offense, TVCS.
Do they also sell sleeping bonnets?
I can't believe I've never heard of this store. Those look like good birth control nightgowns.
I love it when you talk about the Vermont Country Store! I don't love punching nuns. Just for the record, in case anyone wants to know.
It's such a shame no one in your family ever developed a sense of humor; you're all such strait-laced sourpusses.
And I'm betting that even though it appears to be aftershave, the World Famous Florida Water would *still* taste better than the Jones Soda Co Christmas Ham beverage of revulsion.
I think I've actually been there. Big on syrup and flannel in Vermont. I was in Vermont and it was frigging cold and I got Flannel pajamas with a bear on the front. I think this was the same trip where I wore sweat pants under my jeans. brrrrrrr
Flannel birth control! I like that - safe and comfy.
I must confess: I own the grandfather flannel nightshirt and LOVE it!!!! On really cold nights I wear thermal long johns underneath so yeah I'm pretty sure I won't be getting pregnant wearing THAT little number but believe it or not, no one I live with laughs at it either. Maybe the secret is you have to acclimate them to it early on!!! Love VCS and hope they stay around a long, long time.
Just ordered two pair of their little swim socks...now I just need one of those swim caps with flowers and a chin strap...Kim
Here at my house we love Dickies. Ck has a Big and a Small one.
On the Extremely Long List of Reasons I Am Moving Back to New England List way up there are country stores. They don't seem to exist anywhere else. Even if they claim to be a country store, they aren't to my New England-bred eyes. And the countriest of those country stores is the Vermont Country Store. Ay-ah.
KIZZ! I am glad I'm not the only one who kills off battery=powered watches! My grandmother actually killed off the windup ones too. I have a whole drawerful of her old dead watches, and a little box of MY dead watches. Why don't I just chuck them all? I don't know. I fear karmic repercussions.
My dear stepmom, who we just lost in November, loved, loved, loved VCS. She lived in Mu-Mu's and this was about the last place she could find them in the contigous states. I was looking through the last catalogue she received and they had RIBBON CANDY. OMG!! I haven't seen RIBBON CANDY since I was a kid (a long ago, ok?!). I will keep them in my catalogue line up.
For those of you that stop watches, I have a sister and a husband that both do. I got a beautiful watch as a graduation present from my parents. It ran approximately 1 hour until my sister tried it on and killed it. Dead. Never to tick again. Damn!! and it was a wind watch. (old, remember, no battery watches then)
Solved the problem for Hubby tho'. Got him an outrageously expensive Citizens Solar Powered Watch. It really didn't cost any more than the aggregate value of the mazillion watches, cheap and otherwise, that he had tried before giving up ever being able to wear a time piece again. Live is good.