Alone at Last (by Jenn)
The Bedroom 
Photo by Jenn
I know that this space is usually devoted to something having to do with sex, but I’d like to use it today to talk about some lesser-discussed bedroom joy. If you’ve been in a relationship or married for a while as I have—twenty-two years and counting—I think you’ll be able to relate.
I’m talking about having the bedroom to yourself every once in a while. I am lucky (yes, I said lucky) enough to have a husband that has to travel for work every once in a while. He’s never gone for more than three or four days and rarely over the weekend—but he is gone.
When one of his flight itineraries pops up in my inbox, I smile just a little. It has nothing to do with not loving or missing him (I do both); it has to do with enjoying a little time where I don’t have to think about someone else (well, there’s still the kids, but you know what I mean).
When I’m alone I brush my teeth while standing in front of the TV and floss in bed. I use my laptop in bed at night—and in the morning if I wake up early. I don’t really have to fully make the bed in the morning—I can straighten. (I get away with this when it’s just me because I don’t pull the covers all over the place like he does). I listen to Good Morning America while putting on make-up because I’m not trying to keep quiet while he is still sleeping.
I think I also really love the idea of having one room, once in a while, where I can leave it and come back to it and it is just as I left it. A mother of four doesn’t get a whole lot of that in her life.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If the absences come in small doses, I say they’re absolutely right!
Tell me, are you with with me on this, ladies of the Colony?
Jenn is a regular WC contributor. You can read more of her here.
Bedroom, Being Alone, Jenn, Marriage
Reader Comments (33)
oh yes, I did not get married until I was 35, I had a lot of single alone years, I still miss quiet time where I am not repsonsible for anyone but myself, it is a rare gift now.
Does not mean I love my family any less, just means I sometimes yearn to be alone.
When my husband goes away I go to bed early (just after kids are tucked in) and drink diet pepsi and read books. I lie around. I loll. I don't turn on the TV for days. I sing.
I like it when he's home. But I like it when he goes too. I just wish sometimes he could take the kids with him.
When my husband of 17 years is away my bed gets very full... of four small children! They anticipate his time away as a time to camp out in our room. It cracks me up. Sometimes he arrives home in the middle of the night and has to make four trips to carry them back to their beds before he can finally go to bed.
I think your kind of alone time sounds fun too.
I love having the bed and the room to myself. There's nothing wrong with a little solitude.
Count me in! My husband hardly ever travels any more, but when he is away I lounge, eat chocolate in bed, strew all my books on his side and don't even move them to sleep, and breathe deeply. The only downfall is that he a is world class spooner and I get cold in the winter!! But, I can deal with that for a night or two for the "alone" time is brings me.
YES
When hubbie is gone my two teenage girls take turns sleeping with me, and I don't cook dinner, and I don't have to listen to his computer games on Friday nights. He likes travelling because he gets to eat out at PF Chang's every night and can really focus on work without the everyday household issues distracting him. And sometimes he gets to travel to exotic places. Then when he comes home we have great sex. Yes, a short absence is good for us.
My husband goes away usually 4 times a year, and I love it. Believe me, I love that man more than anything, but I love having our room all to myself. Things around the house are so much more relaxed when one of us is gone. The remaining parent lets the kids eat whatever they want for dinner and we eat in front of the tv. Unfortunatly for my kids, I don't let them sleep with me when he's gone just because I do like to have the bed all to myself. I'm with you!
I enjoy the time alone, too. My husband doesn't travel frequently but when he does, I sleep in the middle of the bed with the dogs to keep me company. I watch whatever I want without someone changing the channel halfway through, and I don't have to try to get to sleep with the reading light shining in my eyes or the tv on. I hate having a tv in the bedroom. Hate. It.
Totally! Whether its a workday or a weekend, it means I can turn on the light and read if I have a hard time sleeping. I can spread out and use the whole bed, and I can have the room as warm or as cool as I like!
In small doses, I'm with you. I think it's because I never had many single years. I've lived through very loooooong absences, though, having married someone in the military.....so I really mean small doses.
Amen and Amen and Amen! I LOVE it!
Absolutely! I have insomniac tendencies, and I love being able to flip on the light to read (or flip on the TV to watch DVRed home shows or chick flicks) at any hour of the night.
And the house is so much tidier when he's away. I love the guy, but in terms of mess making, he's like my third child.
yeah. It's true. It's fun to stay up as late as I like with no one bugging me to come to bed. Of course I pay next day, when I'm sooo tired from staying up till 3 to finish my book.
Yes, yes, yes...said the woman who has woken up with matchbox cars in her bed and a husband who yanks the covers off during the night and doesn't cover me back up when he gets up hour + before. It is like sleeping with a windmill ! Yes, I love those weekends he is away (with the boys camping) and I get to just sleep without it being a war zone of some sort! Not selfish in the least, just enjoying the peace and quiet of .....peace and quiet! It is me time and I make the most of it: order take out, put on my pjs, grab a good book, the remote, a movie and I am set! I dare anyone to enter my inner sanctum; you better have a darn good reason!
Synchronicity! I was just thinking about this yesterday when my husband left for a couple of days. I love to roll over in bed and sprawl once in a while. And not hear his alarm at 5:30am. And have pancakes for supper. And NOT watch TV news in the morning-I prefer radio.
But after a few days, I've had my fill and I'm so ready to be a pair again.
Love your bedspread!
I like a little solitude from time to time, too!
Nothing is nicer than fresh sheets, a bath, going to bed early to read and room to sprawl. Sometimes, if the dog has had a bath as well she gets to take his place. It's our little secret since she is not allowed in the bedroom at all while he's home.
Oh I am with you! I too have that privilege of a little alone time now and then. I too can just straighten the bed. I crawl in bed at 8:30pm after shooing kids away and I surround myself with books and purry cats. I sleep late and the kids make their own breakfast, nobody next to me to wake me up at 7:00am (we homeschool). A little travel is grand, too much however gets tiresome.
D, All of the above.
Plus eating chocolate & drinking tea in bed, with the laptop.
37 years of marital bliss ... I've got to tell you that now that my wonderful hubby is retired, our go-to-bed and get-up times are different from each other's. So, sometimes now I find myself in another bedroom with my cozy girlie linens and watch movies on my DVD player ... movies like ... Cranford, Sleepless in Seattle, Shakespeare in Love, An Affair to Remember, Pride and Prejudice etc.... you get the jest. Ah!! Rejuvenating!
I sleep diagonal with I have the bed too myself. I stay up reading as long as I want to.
I shared a room as a child with my sister. I was married very young, straight from home. I didn't have my own room until I was 42 years old. I was truly sorry to not be married, worried about being cold, however, I immediately embraced the closet to myself. Clean toothbrush cup. No TV. He took it with him. Thank God. Freedom to hit the snooze 4 times without judgment. No TV. I make my bed 359 days a year. I come back into my room and it's exactly as I left it. I love that, too. No TV.
I bought an electric blanket, named it Jean Michele (said with French accent), and have loved having my own room ever since. Did I mention no TV? Love it!
Not having a traveling spouse, and leaning toward the dependent personality type, my immediate reaction is to fear that I would be lonely. But then I think about dinner to satisfy my palate, not his. And eating in front of the TV, kids included (for whatever reason, he NEVER eats in front of the TV). And having full control of the remote, guilt free? Yeah baby! In other words, if I was in the work-away-spouse situation, I'd savor it, too.
In line with many other posts, I like when the TV is off and I can lay diagonal, too. I also like leaving my books/folded laundry on the bed while I sleep. I am quite protective of my bedroom and bathroom with the sons and husband. It's where I retreat to and lock the door if needed. It's where I go to putz or play in makeup. There are specific oddball pillowcases that I prefer depending on the pillow and my mood. It's my nest!