The G-spot: Whip It Good (by Kizz)
The Bedroom Guidepost: Today's post includes at least two swears, both mild. It does, however, discuss an intimate activity that some may find vulgar. All photos and links are safe for work but some of them you might not want in your Amazon cache when you family gets home.
Where do you start with spanking?
I suppose it's safer to write about in a sexual context than in a parenting one these days. I grew up in the in-between era where spanking could (and did) happen occasionally in the home but not in school. I don't ever remember being spanked by anyone but my parents.
Well, there now, we may have hit on (heh) why I'm having trouble writing this column.
I don't think I could spank someone. I have a much easier time restraining someone or being restrained or even inflicting a little fear than I do serving up pain. Then again, if somebody asked? Why refuse them? I want you to be happy, it's all about figuring out what we like, right? Why not? So, sure, I'll spank you but apparently I'll make you beg for it. (Note to self: Remember this for online dating profile.)
I read about it all the time, though. Have you read Anne Rice
Anne Rice has made a living out of scaring the pants off us, if you will. According to her vampires are waiting to kill you. Or worse yet waiting to love you deeply and then leave. Bastards. In the Sleeping Beauty series she's chronicling the capture and enslavement of a beautiful young princess (Take that Disney!) to a cult of bondage and discipline. The whole idea should be terrifying, right? And yet she frames it in a complex and intense but safe haven for someone just discovering the joy of her body (and everyone else's). (The princes in these books? They do more than just play polo, if you know what I'm saying.)
Rice outlines all the safety nets as well as any Dan Savage advice column. Stop spanking before blood is drawn, pair a pleasurable act with the pain, practice first aid on any welts or bruises that result, stay clean, talk, vary your strikes, reward a good submissive upon completion of the act, etc. The only thing she leaves out is the use of a safety word (mastadon!) but in the context of her narrative that would never fit.
Much like with her vampire novels Rice morphs this practice - corporal punishment - of which I am wary into something devoutly to be wished. Whenever my hair stylist brings out that wide rectangular hair brush I feel a little frisky. If you were to kiss me deeply and swat me sharply I might ask for more. Fondle me front and paddle me behind and we might really be onto something. Tell me you love me and love to redden my cheeks...I might, just might, be yours forever.
Now, does anyone know where I can get a decent birch switch in the middle of the city?
Kizz is a regular WC contributor. If you'd like to continue this discussion in private you can e-mail her at isabeau6 at hotmail dot com. You can read more of her here.
Reader Comments (16)
I am totally NOT into spanking. I was born in the early 60s and spanking was a very acceptable form of punishment at the time. For me it is connected completely with anger and punishment and fear, and thus is not fun in any way shape or form. I get that there are people who enjoy it, but I will never be sharing a bed or a life with one of them. But to each his/her own!
I want to like spanking. I really do. I love the idea of the control associated with it, but OUCH! I'm too big of a baby. It totally throws off my mojo! Instead of thinking "oooh baby!" I'm thinking "Ouch, my ass still stings!" Oh well. Every fantasy doesn't have to be a reality.
If you really want to learn more about this topic and haven't yet, you must read The Story of O.
I love your Guideposts, Kizz! They are as good as the posts! But (hahaha, get it) spanking, I just don't know. To each her own. I guess I could watch and read about it, just not too fond of being the recipient.
Honey...the switch hurts worse than the paddle. Just FYI.
I read the the first Sleeping Beauty book and hated it. I really hope that in the subsequent book, Sleeping Beauty came back from the village and laid waste to the castle.
I'm sorry. I did not find it erotic at all. She's taken from her family because she needs to be taught a lesson of humility?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Because she's too beautiful?!?!?!?! I'm assuming that having the romantic hero of the book be an actual jackass doesn't work for the romantic part. And that's why Anne came up with the asinine reason for the castle shenanigans. Because the local prince and princesses couldn't possibly be taught a little humility any other way. They need to be trotted off to the castle to be sex slaves to make them better people.
If a switch stings too much, and a paddle is still nerve-wracking, perhaps try one of those feather switches. it kinda looks like a riding crop, but has a feather on the end....heavy enough to incite arousal, if it arouses you, but light enough not to feel like you're being punished.
not sure i'm into it. spanking was a form of physical punishment growing up, so it kinda takes me back to that and i'm not into the daddy/lover scene. now a good grab of the ass.......i'm hot :)
I'm still trying to figure out if my "amazon cache" is a euphemism for something... :)
What a great post! made me laugh. Anyway- I'd take my husband's hand to my ass waaay before a switch or crop! Holy Mother! I think a switch would smart much worse than a hand- even if the hand was huge. Anyway, I find a few glasses of wine dulls the pain a bit. It's not an every night thing, but every few months is a nice shock.
Thank you for the great article Kizz. I have read the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy. The spanking is terrifying but at the same time I think... hmm, maybe.
Love it Kizz! We keep it simple with his hands and the wrists tied. He likes to be in control and I like to whimper appropriately. Goodness it is heavenly to feel a jolt of pleasure after a good spank.
I'm not into the daddy/punishment scenario. I just want a little salty with my sweet.
Taking note. Adding to the must. try. now! list. Wheeee!
HA! That Fondle me Front, Paddle me behind comment has me laughing!
I've never made use of any sort of paddle or switch (hmmm.... I don't know. That's maybe on the "try some day when the kids are away" list)
For the time being my husbands hand and impeccable timing are perfect for now. And I do love it. I remember the first time we fooled around and he tried that (it was my first spank too) I was stunned. Not in a good way. Didn't know what to do with it. He asked later "So, what'd you think of that?" to which I sort of stuttered about and then landed on "eh, I guess I could take it or leave it"
So, he left it for several years. But it was spontaneously started back up a few years ago, and to my surprise I loved it.
I am thinking this is a HUGE trust thing. And important to communicate about.
I'm late to the party but I'm gonna add my two cents anyway...
I love to be spanked. Love. It. It's only one small part of the sexual smorgasbord, but it sure is sweet/spicy when administered in the right way. And yes, a switch hurts more than a paddle, which hurts more than a hand.
I read the Sleeping Beauty books years ago and liked them very much - I need to read them again.
Damn...some moments being single is very, very difficult.
I think my thing with the switch vs. the paddle is like my thing with pilates vs. aerobics. I can stand things for short amounts of time. An hour long aerobics class with 25 reps of each thing? GAH NO! 5 reps each of Pilates stuff? Totally doable, while hated. Since you'd have to stop before causing serious damage there'd be fewer switchings maybe...I don't know, the logic is flawed, laboratory testing may be required.
kellyg, I thought the romantic hero was the male slave she met and he didn't seem like a jackass.
jrh, not yet...
I had not thought about having a glass of wine first to ease the nerves. This is sound advice I think.
Becky, I think you're so lucky to have someone who was brave enough to try again. Sometimes the timing is off and now apparently it's all on. That's very cool. I get really nervous about once in a lifetime missed chances, thanks for reminding me that's not always the case.
Violet re: single - Word.
I don't have any experience with sexual spanking. I, too, was spanked as a kid and my memories of that, of the real thing, are emotionally difficult and bring out sad and hostile feelings. I don't think I could convert that into any kind of pleasurable sexual energy. And I'm not at all interested in trying. I don't want anything painful or uncomfortable interrupting my pleasure path. I mean, it's tricky enough, sometimes, getting the absolute right degree of, say, tongue or finger pressure or vibe speed, for an orgasm to happen. Introduce painful whacks? I just don't know how that would help. Bottom line (hee hee), I am very content with my multiple orgasms, which my husband so lovingly administers in a gentle, pleasurable, pain free manner. I don't see any reason to mess with the formula, I suppose.